He just left - my room smells like that cheese they put on nachos and cigarettes and beef
Yo quero taco bell
Becky drew a cock on my face and is making me sit on the step.
what did you do that she drew a cock on your face and supplemental questions why did you let her?
I'm wearing this super skanky ass dress that's wayyy to slutty for church but I think Jesus will appreciate it because i look so bangin for his bday.
I heard from multiple reliable sources that she doesn't have a gag reflex. Of course I'm going to try to go home with her.
For some reason 'start yourself on fire drunk' isn't nearly as funny after last 4th of july..
Frozen waffles and wine. Loneliness-party of one
I left puerto rico a week ago and my vagina still smells like coconut.
Who is he, asking me if im dtf without a question mark
...
How do you tell an ex that banging less hot chicks than me is highly insulting? I almost want to try and get him laid with a pretty girl just to save some face for dating him so long.
We get drunk and make out in different places. Is that what love is?
I said I hate kids.This dude said he will sell his children to go on a date with me.
I'm over here trying to figure out how to get shake shack delivered to my bed and Jamie is having a child
When he said he lived in a closet I thought he meant his room was really small or something... But he actually has a queen size mattress on the floor of his roomates walk-in closet.
He spilled some of his beer on your shoulder then proceeded to lick it off. By the face you made, I don't know if you were completely horrified or really turned on.
Maybe life is about finding the person you DO want to cuddle with after they rail you like a porn star
Randomize
