I hooked up with a Michael Jackson impersonator last night. Too soon?
i just set an alarm for noon. fuck yes winter break.
Its like fucking yourself in the head with a weed strapon
Dude, the cops never think it's as funny as you do.
you wore rainboots all night because you said the forecast called for wine spillage
You are too young to settle down enjoy your life. The window to get drunk and have casual sex with strangers gets smaller by the day.
There are 27 signatures on my ass. What the hell happened last night?
Every time someone made a cup you congratulated them by letting them sign your ass.
Please just fuck her. She's new to LA and doesn't know anyone nice.
I just realized in a weird reversed way I hustled a stripper last night
The night got interesting when the random guy next to us handed us a bottle of champagne and the rest of his ciroc bottle. When we asked why he did it, he proceeded to point at his friend who face planted the floor.
Dude. That Grinch had his priorities right when he was worried that there might be a cash bar at that town celebration.
Nothing $200 worth of strippers and spicy fried chicken couldn't fix.
Of all the things I've masturbated to while high, my favorites are ritz chips and trees
My concern for you and peanut butter is the reason I am still awake.
That man makes my giblets tingle
Congrats? I think?
Randomize
