sorry I missed your bday party.,I was vid chatting with that new guy I'm talking to all night...happy biirthday though
I tried booty calling last night but apparently he was too tired and wants to meet up tonight. I told him planning defeats the purpose.
they started a semi-successful rumor that toby keith died. who says fraternities don't have goals
Please check on her. She announced that Thursday she'd open herself to any veteran so as to thank them for their service. "my services for your service" and left the bar with three numbers.
Also, fighting a very strong urge to nickname your dick Whitey Bulger, at least for today.
What are you talking about?! I shot gunned a monster while simaltaneously blowing gym boy Todd. If I'm not the poster child for being well rounded and versatile I have no idea what NYU is looking for
What part of "he tried to put his dick in my ear" did you not understand??
i woke up and found a picture of his grandma in my purse.. im a kelpto
Not good... He ate my chips. Thats not a sex analogy for anything. My actual potato chips... gone. I lost on both ends.
sometimes you just gotta eat tacobell at 2am and cry all your feelings out
tell your brother to quit sending me his dick pics what am i going to do with them print them out and shove them up my ass???
A girl just invited me over for a blowjob and beer. Is this a trap?
Everyday this week I have woken up to a different dick pic. It's like a dick pic a day calendar!
Drunk you wants to be petty, not you you.
Everyone else's "needs" are getting in the way of my alcoholism.
Randomize
