Apparently he's never heard a queef, he totally thought I farted and got freaked out.
You act like I'm friends with her or something. I only screw her boyfriend!
Oh yeah.
and i do it all in one night. I'm like santa but a whore.
If she wasn't my friend I'd think she was a huge slut
we had incredible sex, then he proposed with the vibrating cock ring
Also I feel like 60% of our relationship is based on sausage mcmuffins.
Year anniversary in a month. Think I'll just give him a COME ON MY FACE FREE card. I'm both broke and shameless.
Well I will be attending the wedding with a flask of wine, potentially with a straw, and POM POMS for cheering purposes. Needless to say I will be well lubricated by your arrival..
oh god my hair smells like rotten vegetables, sweat, and tequila. I wanna party with your neighbors every night.
I wasn't half as drunk as u but u were saying u were a "worm" and u tried to slither out of my grasp
The cleaning lady even cleaned my bong. I'm scared to open my sex toy drawer and see if and how she organized it
Let's get weird.
It's 10 am...
I'm assuming that means you're not busy...
I really appreciate you taking the time to blur out my excessive boob cleavage for instagram
By talk things out did he mean have passionate angry sex?
I usually do that but weve been going unprotected with tribal fertility symbols painted above my door
Randomize
