Throw up on the ground, people dancing to loud Bollywood music, seats literally missing. Fuck I hate public transit
i gave him the "yep, i was your girfriend's collegiate lesbian sex story" head nod
Met the five year old's gym teacher for next year. He is an old drinking buddy and I used to fuck his older brother. It was like a walk of shame 20 years late.
I am sweating out the vodka to make room for the whiskey tonight.
Because she seems like the type to give it up for a box of fruit rollups.
There are Vine videos that have lasted longer than he did
I woke up to his balls in my face, so naturally I limboed under him and headed to the bathroom. When I came out he was asleep on the floor.
Can we talk about how she only slept with you because you remind her of a member of a K-pop group?
What exactly is it about Doctor Who thigh high socks with a matching shirt that says "take me I'm yours!"
Look, all I'm looking for is a good time and someone whose chest I can bury my face in
You're the only person I know who would go to New Jersey to give a blowjob and I have so much respect for you for it
I lick assholes and I wouldn't eat mdma
I found half a candy bar in my bra today... Melted to my nipple. What a mess. It was still good though.
I think I am just gonna marry that lesbian. She is more of a respectful gentleman than any of the guys I've slept with.
Three cheers for handling my crush on my boss in an entirely reasonable manner, by having a threesome with my coworkers.
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