Dude, she had a vegina. I felt like Indiana Jones cutting a path through the jungle.
I just finished washing your number off of my chest. I'm Bryan by the way.
I just puked on my dog.I feel summer coming on
dudes here are drinking wine, and not in the forgivable 'just doing this to get laid' way
On my way to the DMV to get arrested
He just asked me if I wanted a ride on the "bologna pony." I never wanna have sex again...
Tomorrow's thirsty thursday is now sponsored by the three time champion, chemisty failure. celebration starts asap.
LEAVE MY LITTLE DICK OUT OF THIS
He changed his profile picture to him as a baby. Definitely a turn off. This will help in my "don't-be-a-slut-endeavors"
She just mixed her Emergen-C with champagne... Vegas here we come!
I asked my boyfriend if he wanted a bong for his birthday but he instead asked for corndogs
the cheaper the better
Slap a cop in the butt for a felony charge. Check.
I just loudly threatened to kill a self checkout machine
I'd like to buy a season pass to your dick please.
My ovaries melted while we were talking. I almost told him I would suck his soul out through his dick
That would be a memorable parent teacher conference for sure
Randomize