Is it sad i was sitting here thinkin how i would only fuck Rob Pattinson if he was glittery at said time.
Went home with a 29 year old from the bar. Life lesson: 9 year olds stay up late sometimes
I'm blazed at jack in the box and my order number is 420. I wish everything in the world made this much sense.
Even DaVinci knew it was gay to draw the penis big. Thanks art history
and yes, the jail cell in Citi Field does have a big Mets symbol in it
And here i was gonna offer you a complimentary blowjob.
You scratched my dick last night. It deserves an apology and I fell that actions speak louder than words when it comes to apologies like this.
DUDE EDDIE MURPHY JUST DID A BODY SHOT OFF A HOOKER. IM NEVER COMING HOME
I just feel like you're using me for sex.
I'm glad you finally understand the context of our relationship
Well I was going to go home but vodka happened.
I don't know. Sometimes you can be a wild card with your emotions. Mostly the emotion known as anger.
I just dumped the bloody coke bill into the tip jar while getting my hangover coffee. I'm literally going to hell.
I sent my boyfriend to the bar so I could go out tonight and actually get laid..
Why is there never any toilet paper at his apartment? What does he wipe his ass with? WHAT DOES HE WIPE IT WITH?!?
The stripper started talking about murdering people....that lapdance turned dark.....
Randomize
