So im going to watch Hocus Pocus in my footie pajamas... How am I in college?
I'm going to rise like a phoenix out of the drunken, shameful ashes that were last weekend.
My vag wants to play a game of hungry hungry hippos with your cock.
Is it weird being in the house without any roommates?
Nah, just masturbating louder
Dipping doritos in Grey Poupon. Why does no one treat me like the lady I am?
you say it like running around in your thong wasted is a bad thing
At least I cut out the pieces of your hair where I braided gum into it last night. Thank me later.
I DON'T CARE LET'S GET DRUNK AND GO. I STRAIGHTENED MY HAIR DO THIS FOR ME.
my drunken justification for peeing in her closet was that her shoes were ugly
They play video games, go on acid trips, and in times of need, are willing to donate plasma together. COUPLE OF THE YEAR.
I NEED to see if his girl has a sister.
I got a blowjob dressed with a t shirt sweatpants and a Fanny pack. Not kidding.
im single, its not even nine am on Valentine's day and I've already gotten laid. suck it relationships
The condoms have been found. I repeat: THE CONDOMS HAVE BEEN FOUND. he isn't a collector!!!
I'm glad that we laid to rest the suspicion that he was keeping them in a scrapbook. yayy
im shaving my vagina and listening to frank sinatra, im coming over after
we had to take 10 shots sometime before midnight, then 11 shots between midnight and 1. so yes its gonna be a rough day.
Randomize
