Apparently they shut down a cook out cause people were selling drugsout the drive thru. Nice to be home
If its vodka, everyone is attractive. Tequila, everyone is dead sexy, single and fuckable.
I feel like I've been slapped by Gods icy cold dick of vengeance.
Okay, just a casual question: how did i manage to get grass stains on the inside of my bra?
Theres a live mouse in the toilet. Goddamn you this is why I don't party here
Your beautifulness. Funnyness. Sexy hairness. Coolness. Plus you ask google how far wendys is from your house. Will you marry me
Whenever you feel bad about your life, just remember the time I tried to swim while high and thought for a minute I was genuinely drowning
On a scale of your daily life to smuggling crack into the DR, how illegal is it?
I ate goldfish off your shoulder, I think we had bigger issues
I can't believe you big bird do not remember battling a shark last night it turned into a Pokemon battle and big bird over powered the shark
If you take a couple more shots you won't even know he's a mormon that drives a mini van.
Some girl took her panties off, soaked them in vodka and wrung them out into a line of guys' mouths! Awesome!
No, NOT awesome. Where the fuck do you go drinking!?!
It all started because he put my damn phone in his pants. By his crotch nonetheless.
Your mother may get texts again about women putting dog food up their vaginas and asking for it to be licked.
Jesus, I think this onesie was designed to keep me from masturbating.
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