sitting in my room eating a boneless rib tv dinner, and listening to taylor swift's love story, and i sharted. had to finish the ribs and hear the end of the song before i went to the bathroom to wipe.
used his ipod to set the mood...1st song was livin on a prayr 2nd song was disco stick
i expected more from guys that i meet at the jersey shore.
I really hope your girlfriend didnt have your phone while i texted how much i loved doing it in HER car with you :x
If everyone lived like me, we would need 5.9 earths. Fuck yes america.
It was my first time buying condoms at the liquor store... I was nervous and there were quite a few people, so I tried to do it as quickly and quietly as possible. When I got to the Indian cashier, he took one look at them and said loudly, "Ohhh you gonna get it on tonight, ah?!"
You said you were collecting Asians for your Kate Gosselin costume.
omg kevin jonas gave his bride a glass slipper..could he be any gayer then he is now
he is so gay. he makes clay aiken look straight. what is wrong with the lady that married him? kevin must be envious of her balls
My dermatologist just asked me, "what happened here?" referring to the bruising on my nipples. I told her I walked into a door. Thanks for that awkward moment.
I think theres a high possibility i could be flammable.
I had so much drainage I couldn't moan properly. Fuck allergy season
I literally have nothing else left to cut besides my drug budget; the dark days are among us
IF YOU HAVE THE CHANCE TO HIT THAT, AND YOU DON'T, I WILL FUCKING CRUCIFY YOU.
You're such a supportive sister.
I felt like I crashed a wedding. Everyone was dressed so nice and I was covered in actual dirt and a little blood.
You woke up in between the boxspring and the matress in a random dorm room.
I got drunk. Then I took a shit.
It was a good shit
Randomize
