mutual masturbation is only cool if cash money records is involved.
He's like the fucking Houdini of bras. Not only did I not feel him take it off I didn't find it until two days later.
he told me he wanted to get "words" tattooed on his penis so he could say hes always putting words in my mouth..
white trash bash was a total success...cops shut it down twice and her hair stayed in rollers all night..she never broke character
That's why there are breakfast margaritas.
Tried to bribe the bartender with wedding cake. Felt bad for not giving her a tip.
I fed him jelly beans while he fingered me. Win, win situation.
if i had known the extra weight would have gone to my tits, i would have started drinking years ago
I might have pissed in the corner of someone's shed. They have nice lawn mower.
I just saw someone dressed as a bear leave your house on a motorcycle. I guess you guys are having a good time.
All I want is a wedding with a dress and a veil and where I can go and my cat can go.
I just want to buy drugs without having to pay an arm and a leg for it. Is that a horrible thing to ask for?
I mean, it's not like you can exactly complain to the manager and higher ups about it.
I can't believe we broke the fucking lamp.
*i* can't believe believe we broke the lamp fucking.
I’m mid 4sum and you’re sending me photos of your cat. We had very different evenings.
Saw my doctor at the bar. He bought me a drink. I think he was looking up my medical record on his phone because he suddenly had to go. syphilis continues to fuck with my life
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