Can we switch to phone sex? This is starting to get awkward...
My grandpa is talking about laundry and he asked if i could run a "small hot load." Wow. I had to leave the room.
Can we comment on the fact that at five thirty this morning, security woke me up in the hotel lobby, in my underwear, and some random guys winter coat?
through my window right now you can see the hot chick next door is standing BUTT ASS NAKED eating peanut butter off a knife.
ill be there in 5.
he's mad because you were 'slandering his penis'.
saying that you may be able to suck the gay out of me was just my way of getting a blowjob...thank you for the valiant effort.
I'm in the Wal Mart stall where we found out you weren't pregnant. This is where I'm going to propose to you. I feel like that would be the most romantic
he told me he was a Boston Bruins fan so I took his hat into the bathroom and peed in it...I've never been a prouder Ranger fan
How could you not respond to a text containing the words "goat man" ?!?
When you and Blake get an apartment I want you to buy this Costco couch I'm currently passing out on.
I have an aggressive hickey on my shoulder and it actually hurts.
I would rather suck a dick or two than go there
Costco cheesecake and whisky. A night made in heaven
Does sweetest day count when you're spending it with your fuck buddy, high and eating Pizza Hut?
Sex. Target parking lot. I really am the mayor.
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