...i apologize for hitting you up so much tonight im just kinda in a little pickle. im going to sleep in my car near u so pretty plz lmk if you head home...
Nice meating you last night
Not a typo
i lost my life and panties somewhere between the 15th and 16th round of slap the bag.
you just can't say no to drugs on a mirrored table.
i think it was just a coincidence but she literally vomited the second she saw my penis.
Dammit. I drunkenly drank all my milk at 6 AM in a misguided stupor to prevent my roommates from stealing my milk.
I have a feeling she doesn't appreciate me as a person. She only fucks me because I look like Harry Potter.
Everyone was passed out so I turned off the lights and locked all the doors. I also took the chicken sandwich in the microwave as payment.
Just found weed in my belly button. Happy Saturday!
You don't even know. The entire marching band thinks I'm an alcoholic.
You ripped my pants off and gave me the choice use it or lose it what was I suppose to do.
Stay strong! Remember we're too uncoordinated to be strippers to make money instead of being a nurse
We're starting to light shit on fire, bring a metal bucket. Be prepared, Jimmy's off his meds.
You reached new levels of laziness. After we woke you up to take shots with us, you stayed in bed so you didn't have to move when you were drunk and sleepy
The highlight of my week is I found some hetero porn I didn't completely hate. Branching out.
Randomize
