suddenly SuperBad didn't seem so funny anymore...she did have her period on my leg.
i was getting a blow-job tonight in the mens bathroom of a bar and the bouncer comes in and says "bro i don't mean to cock block but you cant do that here."
I'm not sober enough to be having a conversation about a rap she wrote in Spanish about public safety
woke up on the kitchen floor in the recovery position. at least drunk me remembered sober me's emt training
That's two mile stones in one shot. A ginger and that's my third ashley.
He threw me out a window and then threw raw ground beef at us. Normally you'd hate someone for that, but that guy's great.
i just woke up to a text from him apologizing for making me eat a full lemon
Dave, I love you but you're barking up the wrong lesbian. You sir are the competition. You don't threesome with competition.
You know what would make the espn body photos even better? If anyone knew who any of those fucking athletes were. That, and maybe not feature Gary Player.
Yeah he told me he wanted a serious relationship, but he's posting pictures of his dick on Kik.
I just set an alarm for 5 am tomorrow morning titled "Wake and Bake Its Christmas motherfucker"
He put rainforest music on before we had sex I felt like I was in the Amazon
What is your friends name that I hooked up with? ....I think j found his credit card under my bed
2 weeks into this dating someone with money thing and I already don't know if I can go back to the being poor life
Spent like 2 minutes so far learning and 35 minutes in a group chat talking about big asses. Yet another Wed zoom meeting.
Randomize
