I hope my future cuntsucker is that tight
do you remember how we all fit in that bathtub?
tequila
Dude that chick had her name tattooed in Japanese characters between her b-cups. I kept calling her Toyota.
if i died would you start the facebook group?
sometimes i think life is slapping me across the face and laughing, saying "ha ha! you're an adult!"
The bartender laughed but the manager kicked me out when the mom conplained. There's no way my fart harmed that baby in any way
Just took the worst coed shower ever. We both cried. AND I only shaved one leg.
You pulled me aside and handed me a plastic childrens' tea cup full of 151 and said "trust me its a great idea"
I like the odds of his and my children being professional athletes too. To support me in my old age, see I do think about the future.
I dont know about you but I'm not getting out of bed this summer for anything but food or sex
There was a huge crash. I came out of my room to find you sprawled out at the bottom of the stairs in your bra and panties. You looked at me, yelled 'WHAT AM I DOING WITH MY LIFE' and then ran back into his room.
I told my manager I was trying to conserve my energy for date night/Sexual Olympics later. That's legit for another break, right?
He had the same tone in his voice and look in his eyes that he gets when he says UFOs aren't real.
I don't want to inconvenience you with my dick\n\n
I'm sorry I walked in on you guys, but all I heard from outside was her screaming "Dive, dive!". Sex was my last guess for what was going on in there.
Randomize
