Haym$ered
turn off your phone and go to bed
Situation: He got it in my eye, how long do I let it sting before should start to worry?
Come home. Power Hour by yourself is only fun for the first 10 minutes.
we've already established he's totally wasted. but now he's just sitting at his computer, doing i don't know what, and he keeps saying "dammmn girl" in a really low whisper
They were lying down in the parking garage pretending to be speed bumps...
Remeber when I drunkenly made out with him this summer while he was getting bitched at by his girlfriend on the phone? Yeah, neither do I. But I'm pretty sure that same thing happened again last night.
im hiding in a corner. drunk. with a plate of stolen jello shots. im pretty sure people are looking for me or the jello shots.
i asked the cop if we could stop and do a chinese firedrill.... he said no.
Ok- my dad's ex-wife's Irish nephew. Weird if we fuck or not?
We had half a pitcher of beer left and he asked us if we wanted a to-go cup. Fuck yeah we want it to-go.
We were simultaneously boning chicks 3 feet away from each other. Do you realize how much that upped our 15 year friendship?
Literally got mad at him this morning because we didn't have time to have sex for a third time. I think I'm getting greedy.
He's thawing a cheesecake on his stomach. We're that high.
The next time we go out, we're bringing a jar so that people can contribute to the rest of what I need to come up with for my breast implants... We'll show them yours for inspiration and persuasion.
I need more 20 something year old penis in my life
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