So I finally got the Patron washed off my boobs.
My mom is pretending to be Paula Deen while making breakfast...I'm pretty sure she's sober.
My mom gave me a book called "why good people do bad things"
I didn't realize you were one of the "good people"
of all the people in our graduating class, this is exactly who would get pregnant.
Ummm Im the uneducated alcoholic of the group... if I say its a bad idea, its probably a bad idea.
I mean with a sentence like that I knew I would be cumming
Just for the record, you referenced Harry Potter while complaining about being torn between the Slytherin (lesbians) and Gryffindor (your mostly straight friends) houses (tables)
I think I fucked someone on the flight home last night.
Dude I bought tampons with cardboard applicators by accident and now I know my vagina hates the 1960s
I hate when I wake up and find my vibrator next to me. Such a waste of an orgasm...getting myself off in my sleep and not remembering
I smell like heartbreak.
Tequila and sloppy rebound sex?
How did you know?
We haven't had hot water in our dorm all weekend. Do you know if there is any other way to wash off shame?
I was so high I kept trying to flush the toilet with the light switch
Questions: How did Rachel get home? Why did I find both her ID's in my shoes? And does anyone know if she's alive?
Dude why is my bed and bedding wrapped in bubble wrap?
Cuz u wanted to insure u had a safe sleep
Randomize
