I think i ate a live goldfish last night. that i caught with my hand in a kiddie pool. my stomach really hurts.
Gordon Ramsey's restaurant in NY is $150 each for the chef's menu
So you're taking me there this weekend?
oh, looks like he just opened a new restaurant right by us- it's called "McDonald's". Must be scottish food.
they almost convinced me to put "Funbags" in the 'other names you may be known as' section of the job application
im gonna call it quits for tonight... I am so drunk I dont even have the motor skills to masturbate
Sitting in a bubble bath with my bong, how's your morning?
open bar reception. dayglow. pray for me
just tried to puke while my RA was trying to puke in the stall next to me.bonded for life
I just threw up trying to put pants on. This is obviously a sign to stay naked.
We saluted the chips to the national anthem before cooking them. The house has to get a munchies fryer
I woke up in nothing but a shower cap and your sparkling coke straw snorter thing inbetween my toes. Explain.
Soggy bong water carpet is the worst kind of carpet.
I think it's getting serious, we started a jigsaw puzzle together.
Why is this not the first time I’ve seen the mugshot of someone I’ve slept with
can you take a pic of your glorious tits but not send it just yet? I need motivation to finish this bull shit presentation.
Walked off the dance floor to find Gabe hitting on a dad bod at the bar. It was my Dad. Awkward is an understatement.
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