I'm outside your house...sorry I feel like I don't need formal invites anymore.
You took all of my sister's dolls and threw them out the window and then you started talking to her etcha sketch and mr. potato head. I later found you passed out in front of Toy Story and it all made sense.
He said "I know I'm not gay. I fucked a guy once and didn't like it"
i wish i could tell you the night didnt begin with me drinking alone
You know, be my cock's hype man.
I love you, but you should know I'll always ditch you for weed.
First day of class and I'm in a bar drinking pitcher #3. Foreshadowing?
i was like his sober eyes girls would come up to us, show us theirs and if approved by me blew him, if rejected they went to my truck with a bottle of patron
and ive been naked for the greater part of the evening. alone, drunk, and naked. i think that is how all great interventions start.
I think I just legit sprained my wrist from holding myself up while giving a blow J. God dammit come already
You know what the worst feeling in the world is? Sitting in your 6pm AA meeting still hungover from the night before
In all honesty the person most likely to secretly slip me drugs would be ... Me
I just know what's gonna happen. I mean. I shaved my legs up to shorts length. But I'm leaving the rest as a sort of makeshift caution tape.
Should probably stop going into the gas station to look for the most normal person to hitch a ride with to drive me to a party
What was I even doing in 2010?! I feel like that's a question I should be able to type into the Facebook Search bar
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