some girl in front of me in class just googled "hungover+throwing up blood"
I'm pretty sure my penis yawned halfway through. That loose.
if women knew the size of my dick, theyd be much more receptive to my sloppy drunken advances
I swear I only do things like fuck 19 yr olds just to hear how you laugh when I tell you.
I ended up staying at a police station for being a witness in a public masturbation case..NOW do you believe me that I've never had a good St. Patrick's Day?
btw im having a "its finally warm enough for a bbq in Toronto" party tonight. bring all the alcohol you have. and hamburger buns.
So right before she was about to give me head she tapped the tip and said "Is this thing on" I think I'm in love.
Had a dream I went to Disney to visit you and then I got really drunk and puked all over these little kids in line
Told my fifteen year old cousin's friend what to sext his girlfriend last night. He was scarred for life but she fucking loved it.
It's sad that I'm more proud of my Twitter account then my resume
Is is gay if I donloaded Grinder to see if my roommate is gay?
he accidentally put it in my ass, i liked it but didn't tell him that and "accidentally" took his weed.
It's something you'd find in the room outside of Ben Carson's sex dungeon
I balled in the shower for 20 minutes, rolled up to the meeting late looking like a gremlin, and my one night stand was standing there in a suit
About the whale....I wasn't completely awake.
Randomize
