Never write on a napkin "my face, your boobs" with your phone number and give it to a girl. Just a tip of the day from my nightly experiences lol.
We need to hang out more often
The world needs more lipstick lesbians, if anything.
and this is why I hate my dad. He got 25x more angry with me when I wanted to drive a different route then he suggested to get to his house (more scenic- thus more enjoyable) then he did when I told him I was driving drunk with 4 people in the car and I got my 5th speeding ticket last night.
My favorite part of the day is the 2 seconds of ignorance you have when you first wake up. Right before you remember where your mouth was last night.
we ended up doing shots out of those medicine cups..swine flu finally did something good for me
Paddidles count extra in the back of a cop car
Currently standing on top of my parents leather couch with no pants on playing helicoptor with my penis. You?
just gave him road head on the way home IN A SNOW STORM..good thing we didn't crash or I'd be dead. I DIDN'T HAVE MY SEATBELT ON
clearly you have your priorities straight
So I heard you only slept with me because you were drunk...is that true?
That depends on who this is.
Seriously. You just grinded your ass all over the heisman trophy's dick. I want you to think about that.
christmas break will be like the 25 days of orgasms
It's getting increasingly easier to use his emotional instability to my advantage. That's about all he has going for him right now.
He's nice but I'm a one bouncer kind of girl
Don't come. It's not even a party it's a total sausage fest. Like 20 drunk dudes in a bedroom. We can still drink by ourselves though it'll be ok
Yelled "don't taze me bro" as the police officer tazed me. Cross it off the list.
Randomize
