at a bar with my ex girlfriend.. both men AND WOMEN are hitting on her.. and not one has even looked at me
You sprayed lemon pledge on your crotch because it was "dusty"
If your pregnant with his baby maybe we can start getting weed for free.
when i grow up i'm putting garbage disposals in all showers of my house so when you vomit in the shower its easy clean up
I bruised my spine.. Jungle gyms were clearly not meant for sex.
I had to write an apology letter to security guards in the hotel so I didnt get kicked out
no one is here. wer drinking in the beer garden in the dark and we stole a bucket of blue paint off the sidewalk. now her legs are blue.
you can hold your grudge or you can accept the alcoholic treats as a peace offering. your choice
peace be with you.
You may see me wearing your shirt to class. It's because I still have the spins and I'm anticipating throwing up on it. Asshole.
I just want to like rub my face on his abs
I need help
How drunk do you guys plan on getting?
We wrote our addresses on our arms for the cab driver, what do you think?
I went to her house she had a kid pool in her living room watching the vacation channel drinking rum out of the bottle saying" life is what you make it. Mines a vacation!!!"
Hey I'm trying to get back with my ex I'mm done doing whatever we were doing I hope things workout for you
Weird flex but ok.
Well, thanks for not letting me sleep with anyone, but no thanks for telling everyone I have the clap.
Seriously though, I walked in and he was holding my cat in the air singing "the circle of life"...
Randomize
