We just made mixed drinks in the bathroom of burger king. This is sad.
You're earring is so big in my mouth
For using a life jacket as a pillow, I slept pretty good last night...
Bob the builder, bob the uilder bob the builder bbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbjbbbbbiotch!pp!!!!
He had bigger boobs than me last night and we both weren't wearing a bra so it was a fair judgement
He peed in the bird bath. Those birds are gonna be pissed
Last thing I ever expected to say, "Get your finger out of my ear or I will stop sucking your dick."
Check the mailbox while you're out!
I already looked this morning. You go check and see what you won on Ebay after your day drinking spree.
Hungover in church. I can feel stained glass Jesus judging me.
That moment during finals day when you either convince your teacher to let you out of the room or you shit you pants.
you asked the cab driver if he wanted to meet your parents, last night.
On the bright side, only one more day until we aren't sober anymore.
They had like literally all the dildos. It looked like a seance for dick. I left the apartment and haven't been back.
idk but im stoned n hiding in the bathroom from my kids with a really big bowl of really little candy bars
Remember those neighbors I thought were FBI agents? Turns out they're DEA.
Randomize
