Blackberries need to come with a feature that disables texting to certain numbers after 2am based on content. liek disabling texting to 'dad' containng the words 'lets try to find more blow.'
she was laying naked in the stream looking for "ribbays", which is apparently drunk for frogs.
i could have sworn she did an overextended split with her legs over her head but now i think it was just the drugs
If you're receiving this text it's probably because I drunkenly flashed you on Saturday. Sorry for forcing you to look at my tits. That was uncalled for.
they had to hand cuff you because you wouldn't stop trying to unzip the paramedic's pants...this is why i love you
I made the jerking off hand motion to my mother by accident this morning. It was awkward for everyone involved.
The best part of last night was the women's softball game on the TV at the strip club
Just your daily reminder that we're terrible people: the average number of men a woman sleeps with in their lifetime is 4
so far I've only met her once and hung out one other time. Up to 5 BJs already. That's serious efficiency.
You popped the Plan B pill then clapped twice, said "mischief managed" and headed tward the bar.
I'm the kind of girl who misses her mouth when trying to eat, do you honestly think I'm coordinated enough to wear heels during sex?
I asked Tony because I knew he wouldn't give me a lecture about consequences
???? Tony IS a lecture about consequences
So Saturday night after 10 drinks I guess he tried to have sex with me and in the middle of it I asked "can you tell I'm faking it!?" and then I sat up and threw up in my hand. That's a sex Win in my books
omg last night while walking home from your house I stole a seatless bike and carried it into my next door neighbors kitchen.. we just looked It up online it's an antique and worth $500 dollars
scale of one to ten how loathsome is it to save my chocolate easter bunny to use for a topping on my edibles
Randomize
