I just puked in the walgreens aisle buying gatorade and advil for my hangover... i guess i failed
She is a fish and this place is a barrel. I can play this game.
Is it bad that I voted for Scott Brown because I want to fuck him?
Nah. I did too.
I woke him up and he was mumbling something about it being moist, or he peed himself but it was okay.
he's measuring my pool to see how much jello powder he needs. He got paid today.
Dude it was a mini horse. It obviously only eats mini things.
Called my dealer in tears and we talked for an hour until I felt better. That's the way it should be.
how did operation slutty penguin go?
pretty epic. there was a guy who was also dressed as a penguin. i asked him if he would keep my eggs warm while i went fishing for the winter
The only thing that got me through this hellish day was imagining a large Swedish penis inside of me.
What did your vagina DO during the nhl lockout?!
Americans.
If my vagina were a person, it just ran a marathon.
Alright I'd bang a 4 sober, It's been like 3-4 weeks or how ever long 4th of July was ago. I wanna fuck something.
4th of July was 12 days ago. The date is literally in the text you just sent.
I don't care about the dates I just wanna bone something.
Well, I can now cross "dirty drunk homeless hobo" off of my bucket list of people who have been successful wingmen for me. North Carolina is getting weird.
Fun fact: I came home from the riverboat without my panties. And woke up with a different pair on.
Yeahh. im on the phone with him drunk. he told me he found a pigeon in a cardboard box and named it quincy...
Woke up this morning with a plate of ravioli in my bed. Who says being single can't be fun?
Randomize
