and when he finished he started shouting "swim boys SWIM"
All I remember was the chick screaming "don't hookup with him! His dick's the size of a cucumber"
I took your shirt off for you after you threw up on yourself, read you the ugly duckling, and then tucked you in. you better fucking love me, jackass.
SANTA'S REAL. I GOT MY PERIOD.
Its funny that cleaning up pieces of water balloons and shot glasses every morning is becoming a routine
He came in 20 minutes late for his final wearing plastic bags on his feet, and a tablecloth cape. Explain.
He led me to his room and handed me the remote, he left to go take a shower and there is a group of guys across the hall just staring at me... Its like they know something i dont. Help me.
Weekend plan is a big bag of dope, delivery food, Bollywood marathon and masterbating my dick raw.
Just walk up to him nice, spread your legs like smooth peanut butter on toast and scream "LOOK AT MY BEAVER! LOOK AT IT!!"
Apparently we stole a dog last night. I woke up and it was just staring at me. But we fed it left over KFC for breakfast so it's cool.
Happy hour crawl turned into power happy hour turned into tequila shots turned into I'm drunk in class on Cinco de Mayo at 7 am.
I said "one day" and that day is not today
So high I legit spent 20mins in the shower just holding my tits cuz they feel bigger than normal.
She turned off her phone alarm (which was the theme song to Star Wars) and then asked me if I wanted a blow job before she went...of course I am going to see her again.
I sprayed his whole room with my perfume and left lots of my hair on the bed. So now if he does bring her home, the bitch will know this territory is marked.
Randomize
