What can I expect? While all of my friends are getting married, all of his friends are tripping on robitussin
Just kissed her with a dip in my mouth... She was either too drunk to notice or too cool to care
Handle of 100 proof captain dressed like a pilgrim here we go
Why are all the dvds taped to the fish tank. Really.
Excellent idea. Nothing says "congrats for resurrecting yourself, Jesus" like Greygoose at noon!
I just let my hand run under cold water for five minutes. I couldn't stop staring at it and the only things I could think about were how amazing it felt, how cool water was, and what a wonderful world it is that we live in. Reasons why I don't smoke...
We need a bunch of roses, some chocolate, 2 cops, a mariachi band, and a thermometer
We'll just charge in there, all pant less and fabulous demanding he give back her ferret.
I held the blackjack dealer's hand and told the old asian woman she was 'soft to the touch, but cold as ice"
There's so much mac and cheese stuck to my foot right now
I had one beer! ONE BEER! They took shots in mourning of my tolerance last night. My ability to drink is a joke.
I'm sorry I tried to stab you. I just really wanted those mozerella sticks.
Two grav bong hits and a shower later and I'm ready for company
It's like you say things that speak to my soul on a deep personal level
That was fun and all, but let's never have sex on a ladder ever again.
Never in my life did I expect to see Eric's mom in a cheerleader outfit along with other women
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