I wish I could be a nicer person. Or a more sober one.
how to cook rice: 1. put random amount of rice and water in a pot 2. have sex on the kitchen floor. when you are done having sex the rice is ready
you'd be confused too if you woke up to pictures of a ghostbuster doing body shots off you.
you threw up out the window, wiped your face with a twenty dollar bill, and threw that out the window too.
did we at least go back and get it?
how else do you think we got jack in the box...?
I got it! After our exam we take shots for every question we skipped!!!
I don't wanna die...
he turned the pretty ricky playlist on. its about to go down.
test run with donkey pinata disastrous. broken glass and tequila EVERYWHERE
there are ass prints on the hood of my car.
The only reason we got away with streaking last time was cuz we had those miner hats
Drunkenly, I gave him a molly instead of an aleve so A) I'm still looking for him and B) I'm not sure about his headache.
I just went through the Wendy's drive thru only wearing a towel. My life has hit an all time low
With 4 extra seconds dedicated to the dong.
These kind of text worry me.
your were asleep with people making out on top of you. you didn't even look bothered by it.
I'm so sorry for trying to eat your puzzle last night...
My hands smell like vagina and ham.
Randomize
