I just found out the FDA voted to ban Vicodin, my last connection to this world has been destroyed
you announced to everyone at the bar "fuck girls. they're confusing. im gonna start having sex with boys now"
the girl next to me just texted someone in her phone named Optimus Prime
...i wonder what he did to earn that nickname
he then proceeded to tear down my curtains, wrap them around his waist, and use the rod as his "rod"... you tell me how drunk he is...
Yeah I'm gunna date him. I figure its regular sex and maybe feelings will come in time...it worked for arranged marriages...
I had to drink a couple beers this morning so I could attend the keg race. Hangover had to dissipate or it wasn't happening.
also, add "teaching boys to sext" to my charity work
The bartender seems to not like the DD's anymore. I'm sad
Meant to have fun, ended up giving speech about consent to guy at bar. Feminist side feels happy. Orgasms side feels confused and betrayed.
Prop 8 repealed and I FINALLY got my period. Good day for America!!!
Jimmy johns delivers to the bar behind work. Happy vodka day!
I'll truly miss your penis but your use of words and phrases such as bae, yolo, swag, and totes have ruined how attractive you once were.
Wanna have a sleepover and take me to court in the morning?
As a rule...I don't sleep with my friends or watch movies with talking dogs
I made out with 4 out of 4 girls I was out with last night, I'm pretty sure everyone knows I'm a lesbian by now
Randomize
