I'm at the doctor and the male nurse (haha) asked me if I smoked, drank or did drugs, and when he said 'drugs' he looked me right in the eye and did a perfect wrist rocket.
just found more coke in my pocket. i love not washing my jeans after every individual use.
its officail im naming my first born child brickbreaker
I'm driving to work with an ice pack on my vagina. how was your weekend?
And your hair- I'd make sure to pee on it first.
I just did the math. 30.36% of girls I've slept with have cheated on a significant other while doing it.
There is soup leaking out of my nose nothing in life has prepared me for this moment
I just ate a can of beans for dinner so I can afford to go get a 5$ bottle of wine. I really did not think these choices would still be necessary at age 25.
I figured out plans for New Year's and by figuring out I mean I've got a sugar bowl of cocaine. Start at 10?
if I'm at school tomorrow just indulge my moment of pity and let me cry on your shoulder
Then she cat effected the picture of my dick I sent her the other night. I'm in love.
Also, I found out that my dad has the name of every boy that I've ever dated and their physical description, car type and tag number stored in his computer.
Apparently Angela went missing once and he says he learned were to look first and that it's best to have information on hand.
So right before she was about to give me head she tapped the tip and said "Is this thing on" I think I'm in love.
Things are coming back to me in chunks. I vaguely remember signing a shirt that said 'I enjoy vagina'
I AM SO PROUD OF YOU
Yesterday we were fuck buddies and today I'm meeting his mom. That escalated quickly.
Randomize