she left her pants. im pretty sure she grabbed mine on accident. im like 9 man sizes bigger than her. wtf
remember what we learned. dont lure girls w/ food at the bar. u dont want those ones
After we did it I noticed she was wearing the same underwear as last night.
That's why you don't sleep with the same girl two nights in a row man!
and everything will be beautiful and nothing will hurt and we will eat nachos
I'm in the bar bathroom about to pass out. But it's ok cause I set my alarm to go off for last call
who was wearing the fake mustache? I just found one in my cleavage
I need to establish a pattern of dominance early.... I'm like a slutty Cesar Milan
Yea I've gotten enough hickeys in my life to know what I'd look like with a neck tattoo. I think I'm getting a neck tattoo.
I run into you far too many times while completely stoned and/or drunk for this not to be fate. It's like god is telling you to fuck me.
It has been happening a lot lately.
Note to self: don't practice nerdy white girl dance choreography in the company bathrooms no matter how nice the huge mirrors and lighting are.
The friend zone. He put me in the friend zone. But said he still wants me to suck his dick. I'm in the dick sucking friend zone and I want to die.
I have a strong contender for the new number 1 position for fwb. He met me at the door with pizza and a shot of patron
I miss using glorious as an adjective. I'm gonna start doing that again. And I'm gonna try to get cuntatrosphe in there some more, too.
There's literally not a single picture of him with a shirt on. I can't talk to him without dislocating my eye balls.
We need to step in, this can't continue. The guy she went home with last night looked exactly like Count Olaf, right down to the unibrow.
Which version tho, Jim Carrey or Neil Patrick Harris?
THAT DOESN'T FUCKING MATTER, YOU DON'T FUCK COUNT OLAF!!!
Randomize
