Where the fuck is Rob at, he hasnt answered his phone in like 2 weeks.
Dude Rob died 2 weeks ago wtf?
Holy shit r u serious? How?
Just kidding, but im pretty sure he boned your gf and doesnt want to talk to you.
I just told my doc I would like to talk about my drinking problem, but that it would probably get in the way of my weekend plans.
Just taught my suite how to queef. I feel like i'm back in 9th grade!
there are 10 yearolds here who keep calling me on the elbow rule!
Wait are they playing beer pong to?
Hint of advice dont get with minor league baseball players, you can google their stats but not their stds.
Just got a blow job while taking my online quiz. How is life in the dorms treating you?
And I'm also limping. I just wish that I had self control. I'm 23 for fuck sake and I'm sitting at work, with mascara down my face, vomit on my clothes and an unknown black substance on my tits. How will I ever find my Greek husband if I keep this up?
I had to make out with him. He bought me a few drinks and he was an Angels fan. As a Yankee fan that was my way of saying good game and sorry we beat the shit out of you
Yea I saw a friend of yours carrying your limp body somewhere
i ended up making out with my new neighbor in a stranger's car that we found unlocked on a driveway somewhere. apparently drunk self never say "no" to adventure.
I'm sorry you caught us fucking in your bathroom. If it makes you feel any better when I tried to put my pants back on I dropped them in the toilet.
"He didn't answer my snap so I know he's arrested"
I woke up in your kitchen with my ID in my hand and my nails were painted electric blue. Dude.... never let me have fireball again.
He sent me a pic and then I suffered dick amnesia about the rest of that
I'm waiting for you in a manthong right now.
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