i am so afraid to go to the bathroom. i am afraid i am going to fall asleep on the toillet.
Special does not even begin to describe that text.
So I have exactly 420 dollars saved up in tips from the past week. I win, and I take that as a sign from god that I am allowed to use that money to buy drugs.
you dialed the number "23" then talked to it for three minutes
get to allyx's house asap
Ok is everything ok
Yeah, theres just lesbians
omg yes on my way
Hahaha I asked him about her bjs and he said "I would not wish that on anyone"
This inappropriate post strip club text brought to you by Cheetah of Palm Beach and vodka. Blowjob in the champagne room and the clap for the low low price of your paycheck.
Ok- my dad's ex-wife's Irish nephew. Weird if we fuck or not?
Moral of the story is go have sex with a foreigner and report back to me.
I'm on a treadmill at the gym ordering pizza on my phone so it'll get to my house around the time I get home. I NEED HELP. Or I'm a genius. I haven't decided.
Just walked into your room to get my clothes and he's still passed out in your bed. Remind me to high five you when you get home
We can't shop at Hobby Lobby anymore. They don't like Plan B which basically runs through our veins.
Drunk Sam makes promises that Sober Sam can't keep
It's always appealing to be able to say to someone "I banged your mom"
He left me alone in a hotel room my last night in town to go home to jerk off and watch TV. So yeah, I guess we're not really friends.
seriously i don't trust him. he fed me a hot dog out of a crock pot and gave me moonshine dashed jager bombs.
Randomize
