I just puked in the walgreens aisle buying gatorade and advil for my hangover... i guess i failed
It's 5:30am in Vegas and I'm eating McDondalds next to crying prostitutes.....low point.
This is absurd. I need a man. Or even a moderately-clean hobo will do at this point.
Whatever dude, just dont tell her your first impression was she looked like your cousin. no judgement here. just sayin.
No one should ever have to Neosporin their nipples. At least he apologized.
He's on the bus now and took off his Amish hat so just his long ginger beard is present. Goodbye, majestic Amish ginger. Go forth and represent your minority well.
Just walked into the library with a case of Strawberitas in hand.. no one said a word.. I think they were just impressed I knew where the library was
I was just lying down, dumping goldfish into my mouth and they like all came out I thought I was going to choke and die and people would be like damn that's so sad, she died laying in bed stuffing her face and reading kanye wests twitter, damn.
He was peeing on the back wall of a building. He would have been okay if the building hadn't been a police station.
We just stood there eating chocolate chip pancakes, watching you sleep on the bathroom floor.
Did you take the full box of samoas or do I not remember getting baked and eating half a box by myself?
It feels like the devil is humping my brain with his razor sharp erection.
At least your road beer policy is responsible. Well, relatively speaking.
He had a flex off with himself in the mirror but he thought it was someone else for at least 20minutes.
I just put a pill up my vagina. It was little like a quail egg. There is so much happening up there right now.
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