I'm sorry I didn't make it out, I got distracted by sparkley boobies.
i love that when i tell my kids and grandkids about how we first met it will be about this little thing called a "poke" on facebook
It's true- you can buy beer at McDonald's in France. I'm not coming back to the States.
Leaving the dealer's house. He just gave me a sincere hug and said good luck. This cant end well.
I got to the point where it seemed like she had 8 giant breasts instead of just two
I cant yet im literally covered in lube but I will later
There were midgets. And vodka. If you don't appreciate the awesomeness of that sentence, read it again.
Apparently getting a blow job in the mens room from the bar owners daughter will get you kicked out.
just shotgunning some tallboys in the cooler, you?
HOW DO YOU GET RAISES EVERY TWO WEEKS?!
all of these bad things happened because I didn't bring a shower beer.
I'm drinking vodka out of a water bottle at work. Am I really the best person to come to for life advice?
The not so cute guy next to me made me play Kid Rock on the jukebox but I'm a big believer in free drinks so I obliged.
he passed out in the backyard and we used christmas lights as extension cords for the clippers to shave his head.
So not only did I get laid today but I also left with a 42” tv lol
Omfg I just White Claw shamed a Girl Scout Cookie mom and I feel SO BAD.
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