i just shit an entire soup salad and breadsticks from the olive garden... bud light wins again.
Same, I didn't even get to be tarzan this summer
He yelled "HERE COMES THE WARMTH" before he pissed his pants. In front of the whole party.
It's going to be great. They guy at the store said 3 shots and you won't be able to feel your face or stop smiling.
Getting blown during the Cavs game doesn't make it any less depressing.
I woke up with his wallet, but not him. Gold-digging at it's finest.
She texted her brother about how much she loved his hot tub. He responded three days later that he wasn't aware he owned a hot tub.
I just bared my soul to you and you fell asleep. Or you're fucking your boyfriend. Either way, not cool. fuck.
You know you're at a low point when you're sucking vodka out if your hair.
Oh just chilling alone with a stranger baby while everyone else clambakes the bathroom. Probation is the reason there is bad things in the world.
attractive or not, he has more than one book on serial killers. i'm gonna get out of here while i can
She asked if I wanted to "Mormon Motorboat" her, which I guess is just motor-boating her through her cloths. Turns out I did.
When I finally came to, I was in the DJ booth wearing his headphones while he was spinning. That's all I got.
"fuck it, let's do moonshine" shouldn't be in ANYONE'S vocabulary.
i fucked his best friend. once right next door to him. i'm pretty sure that could be called sweet revenge.
Randomize
