"it" just moved
i hope kanye doesn't show up to patrick swayze's funeral. " i'll let you get back to your funeral in a minute...but michael jackson had the best death of the year. just sayinnn ".
Why do fat girls all have such cute faces?
God wants them to get laid too.
Aparently his snake got loose in the middle of the night. Not a sex joke, he has a fucking snake
Game over. He has a paternity test request on his table.
I was too sleepy and drunk to verbally annihilate anyone and ruin their reason for being. So i just opted to sleep with the fitted sheet on the floor
She's just so happy...and so naked.
The only thing I accomplished today was naming the bag of wine I've been drinking
She was a little hefty, so I turned on the strobe light in our room. Everything looks better with a strobe light.
One guy got his nose broke and was playing with it. Then another guy was playing beer pong off his horse.
Learn from me. Do not smoke cigs and fold laundry in your room. The cigarette will fall into the dresser without you noticing and your shirts will be on fire. Wanna go shopping tomorrow? I need some new shirts.
So I had sex in the woods today. Anything else that happened today? Irrelevant. It was a GOOD day.
I laid naked in his bed as he brought me an ice cream sandwich so I would say everything worked out great
i had fun fun last night, with the exception of you running over my foot with your car. makes a great story for my first one night stand.
So, I found your eyebrow, someone glued it in between my eyebrows so I looked like I had a unibrow when I went to work...
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