his personality makes his face look like an asshole.
I found your dream girl. She looked 11 but drove and on her key chain it said "if i am not wasted the day is"
she used her cellphone as a light to find my clit under the sheets. worst.lesbian.ever.
It's gotten to the point where NOT peeing in the sink feels strange and uncomfortable.
how many days can you live off of Vicodin and frosty?? im going on 4 days......
he acted like he had never seen anyone snort lines of adderall off of a microwave before. freshman.
The question of "Will I eat a piece of curried chicken off the floor?" has been answered tonight.
..But I'm still alive. And thats the main thing
I just found a wine bottle in my shower. Must have been a good night.
IS SOBER OCTOBER A THING?? WTF WHO ARE THESE PEOPLE?
Never let him bartend when he's tripping. He sprinkled a ton of mexican shredded cheese over a jack and coke and called in a Monterey Jack Daniels.
He also complimented my butt. High praise coming from a boob guy.
I'm glad there seems to be a general consensus regarding your ass
Will keep you updated on the sexual orientation of my new guy
You tell anyone I'm rocking out to Pitbull in an economy, base-model car, I'll kill you.
Ok maybe second best. He dated a stripper. Can't compete with that level of hoeness
Randomize
