watching a depressing episode of spongebob while high is the most depressing thing i have ever experienced
she looks like stephen colbert with that blond wig he was wearing last night.
she made my bed before she left. i think i'm gonna keep banging her to get the housework done
we could easily be the first people to smoke 3 bowls and pound a Four Loco before goin on a tour of the Tillamook cheese factory
I feel like vodka or no vodka, you'd still be trying to button your cat into your comforter
im pretty sure the clearest way to say "dont worry, im not emotionally attached" was by sleeping with his roommate the next night
Hypothetically speaking, what is the proper response if one gets bitten by a most likely not rabid squirrel? Hypothetically.
I was a battlefield of empty bottles and bodies. We though we won, but the booze had the last laugh.
And that kids is the last time I ever try to outdrink Germans
I need to be her Aladdin, and show her the world. The sex world.
I'm just gonna back away slowly and come back when there's less weird crap.
1 why did you tell them where i peed last night and 2 where the fuck are you
By the time we got to McDonald's you were sharing a Big Mac with a stripper.
I didnt know whether I was going to vomit or orgasm because I was feeling both sensations
I'm gonna make out with this 38 yr old. Mark my words. I don't even have daddy issues.
Randomize
