Have you ever noticed that nowhere is the same thing as now here, i get my best ideas when i smoke
All she gave me for breakfast was raw toast. How can she expect me to eat raw toast?
You mean bread?
Let's get back to talking about you giving me a blow job.
The bouncer yelled at him for poking at the guy selling roses, I think it's time to leave.
If I had to summarise my weekend I would do so using the words "horrifying romanian moonshine"
We shouldn't eat pizza in the pool
We r drinking tequila out a glass bottle and smoking weed underwater, pizzas the least of our concern
I'm in public and Taylor Swift is playing. It is taking all my effort to not screech like a goat.
I'm home, and it turns out she didn't get it all. still picking Oreos out of my pubes.
I just spilled my beer on a five year old. She's crying but I can promise you I'm more upset.
Why does fireball set life on fire? Your insides, your head, your behavior...
I feel like I could get pregnant watching Zac Efron do yard work in this movie
He took a girl home at like eight, fucked her, kicked her out, came back to the bar, and repeated the process again at 10:30 and 2:30. THREE GIRLS IN ONE NIGHT. ALL PICKUPS. I HATE HIM.
so all I remember is hig-fiving the cop and then sprinting away. considering I'm not in jail, I count that as a win.
He took home that trashy slut from Bama but a NFL Lineman was just in my DMs so... who’s the real winner here
she is currently in the shower drinking a beer and dancing to a song called "the penis song" my roommate is cooler than yours
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