literally had 100 drinks last night.
Have you ever seen an entire lecture hall fist pump? It's magical.
get to allyx's house asap
Ok is everything ok
Yeah, theres just lesbians
omg yes on my way
Then he took his girlfriend's fuzzy handcuffs and locked me to their bed. Key is in an unknown location. He's surprisingly idiotic, for being premed.
you were sitting on your bed looking out the window, rocking back and forth naked, saying how peaceful it looked outside
He said he was going to "rock my world". I wonder if he too has a false sense of confidence and accomplishment stemming from a complete lack of honesty from our own female counterparts.
I'll just tell her I'm here with you picking out a buttplug for her to say "I'm sorry".
Tried making out with pop rocks in my mouth. That shit is magical.
I think I'll bring the beer we scavenged from that other party. What goes around comes around, especially when it's Corona because that shit is not staying in my fridge
Apparently at 2 AM I decided to let the world know about my newfound love for elephants
i was enjoying my post acid trip trance a little too much. i found $50 on the sidewalk but didnt pick it up. just stared at the bill cuz it looked cool.
someone picked it up and i stared at the ground where it was for probably another minute or 2
MY FUCKING CAT JUST GAVE BIRTH AND IM FUCKING STONED AND I FUCKING DON'T KNOW WHAT TO DO!!!
dying me prepared for dead me... i woke up with my laptop open to the last snl episode, a bottle of gatorade, advil and a bag of chocolate all next to me
We used to bone, but now she's my life coach.
Good morning! Or after noon. Sorry for falling asleep in you
Randomize
