Did you draw a mustache on my drivers license picture??
So I was watching the View and they were saying oral sex is the new goodnight kiss
So when are we having a sleepover?
There is a girl in bio drinking beer out of a starbucks cup with a straw
i woke up and saw you were brushing his hair naked. I can never pass out around you, man.
Her dad high fived me on the way out the door. Not the reaction i expected after she came so loud.
Alls I wanted was a fun New Years but I end up fingering a geico sales representative on a futon and giving her a ride to work the next morning
I just bottomed with the last unicorn playing in the background. I've hit a new level of gay.
She told me the only rule was that I couldn't cum on her Batman blanket.
are you still up? I want to use you for sexual things. you have 35 minutes to respond to this offer.
Just to clear things up, yes you did lick the strippers butt
You barfed off the front porch while the elderly neighbors were walking their dog. We had to convince them not to call 911.
Pics or it didn't happen.
I hear my roommate snoring and I feel bad for his girlfriend but then I hear them having sex and I guess it all works out in the end.
Apparently someone was hiding in a storm drain dressed as Pennywise from it and offering passersby free penis enlargement pills.
Did you just affectionately call me a scrotum?
I just checked and if you bring a picture of your ex they will shred it and give you a free 'hater shot'. Would it be too much to print off one of their wedding pictures and bring it?
I really love that you're not going the 'why am I not married and having a kid yet?' route, but rather 'thank god I dodged that bullet'
Randomize
