no, there's no challenge. I live a humble lifestyle out of virtue.
You wear Armani Exchange.
so I was like, you know platform 9 3/4? I know something else with those measurements. best. pick up line. ever.
well he showed me a naked baby picture and i was right it hasn't grown
Does he not understand that naked slip and slide needs supervision after dark?!
You missed me roundhouse kicking a lit glow stick out of a guy's mouth last night. You would have been proud.
This would be a good time to bring up the fact that my spider-man fork is MIA
He wouldn't let me ride him with a Ninja Turtles hat on...
The problem is drunk me is completely unaware how poor I am
If there was a tv show called "True Life: My 58 Year Old Dad Rolls Better J's Than Me" I'd be on it.
Im fairly sure two chicks roofied me last night. Suckers. I love free drugs.
I have found random beers stashed in my purse and microwave... Apparently I thought 2015 was gonna have a beer shortage
I was supposed to go on a date tonight but I cancelled because I found out the Lizzie McGuire movie is on Netflix.
If those panties could talk.
"Once upon a time, Jenny got chlamydia from a magician. The end."
I sprayed his whole room with my perfume and left lots of my hair on the bed. So now if he does bring her home, the bitch will know this territory is marked.
I no longer have the means to support both a women and an alcohol addiction
Randomize
