i wish sherlock holmes were still around today... he'd be able to find my g-spot.
There is a semi-attractive guy at the door who's looking for you. Says he met you on Chatroulette. Start explaining NOW.
This is a dangerous game of "whose life is more pathetic".
i think i pulled off the nice guy thing too well. it just backfired later on when she thought i was actually nice.
btw good call for not making out for a pitcher of vodka, this hangover is bad enough
It just gets louder and louder too...dear god. Her poor vagina.
Ikeep having to ask jim if I'm actually talking. I canmt feel my body...this is what Christmas is all about
Just called my dad drunk from bed to ask for bacon.. my niece texted me when it was ready.. i'm never moving out
You were making out with a freshman and said you wanted to back to his place. Then when you got to the door to leave you said "never mind." He sad it wasn't fair and you got all serious and told him "welcome to the real world kid."
I am taking a candle lit bath, blasting some tupac and smoking a fat bowl. This is how every night should end. Did you go take a piss in his car yet?
It was a "my chaser needed a chaser" kind of night
Pride is not for the college student young Padawan. Tequila is for the college student.
It's okay. I think we're back on. I just went on a dog walk with him n blew him on a sidewalk
Why were you doing tequila shots out of Boston Pizza dip containers?
I woke up with a pube in my teeth...I'm disturbed cause we're both clean shaven
Randomize