I'm a grown ass woman and I'm sitting in bed eating pizza at 4:30 a.m. BFD, right?
omg, he ripped it...he ripped my vagina...best. night. ever.
my mom is pro-life. I dare you to fuck me.
Went to use to bathroom and walked in on karaoke. Two girls singing "a whole new world" to each other in the shower. I'm gonna miss this place in the summer
Just saw a woman in a hospital gown with a Steelers jersey on top smoking a cigarette while hooked up to an IV outside of the hospital. I love Pittsburgh.
then they caught me trying to hide the turtle in the fridge
It was literally like being eaten out by a dog. That bad.
definitely not taking the whole return culture shock so well...drinking a 100 proof rootbeer vodka float out of a german beer mass
I accidentally KO'd a baby in the airport. Thought you should know.
I don't know bro. If a girl makes you cum hard enough that you pull a back muscle, she might be the perfect one to call for a massage on said muscle.
If i'm forever fucked up in this state of mind then I'm going to kill him for this
I forgot to tell you that he serenaded me with "Fuck Her Gently" by Tenacious D. And I didn't hate it.
I serenaded the cat in the hat for a few 90s songs but idk who he is
Atleast we had sex on the couch before your ex took it from you
I've made a new rule for socializing in the winter: if it doesn't involve me orgasming or getting drunk I can't make it
Randomize
