He was so confused why there was a string hanging out of my vagina.
just friend requested my arresting officer from last night. too soon??
i just farted in a meeting....took me completely by surprise.
so you made the shocked face and they caught you.
yup.
I only make drug deals in a British accent. It's my way of making sure it doesn't get too sketch.
Life lesson. Learning to pee left handed is easier than learning brickbreaker left handed. Rather lose a few drops than a few lives
the problem with having sex for lunch when its 98 degrees outside is that I can't tell if its sweat or semen running down my leg as I walk back in the office
Woke up shivering behind the titty bar, With the worst leg cramps. I'm like a poster boy for responsibility.
just had Stella and stale goldfish for breakfast under the watchful eyes of an inflatable cactus and 5 llama pinatas. Cinco de mayo success!
Dont really know what happened near the end, Pockets were filled with skittles though
driving home I had the GPS in one hand and puking in the coffee cup
So no more sangria road trips?
Lets now bow our heads and think of girls with ex boyfriends who were great at fingering them. That's so sad.
If this nail lady pinches my achilles one more time im kicking her directly in her bedazzled boobs
Its was awkward last year cuz in the middle of it her mom bust In the room with noise makers and champagne
Alex I've come up with a new medical condition. dick depression. it's a real thing and I have it
Pennsylvania now holds the distinct honor of being the third state I've crapped my pants in.
Randomize
