K, im just throwing this out there, i am not making out with any of his friends... Especially the cross eyed one.
My poor mother should have just stuffed me back up her vagina when she had the chance.
flash back: i gave smirnoff to a group of children at walmart
I just gave head in the laundry room on campus. He said it was one of the best moments in all of history. Take that, neil armstrong.
The gyno asked how many partners i've had... I said ummmm she goes ok then i'll just put down ten.
I am in fact going to raffle myself off for a night. If you are interested in buying a ticket let me know. $10 a ticket.
She told me she was eating frosting, then I got the weirdest boner ever
He came over drunk in a speedo i told him he has my vote he said who are you voting for when i said obama he took off running and shouting i was worthless like an empty beer can
Waiting to interview and found a beer in my purse from last night
When the nurse referred to my vag as "your downstairs", I knew I found the perfect Doctors office.
Apparently it's illegal to hit pedestrians with coke cans... But the cop complimented my arm. That's a win in my book.
yeah im watching him make his speech now. cant take him seriously tho. hes talking about funding for education and all i can think about is how ive seen what he looks like wearing womens underwear...
His dog was laying on the bed and he said we could have sex as long as we didn't disturb his dog. My life is pathetic
Medicine hack, old crowe and ramen flavor packets isnt a cure for the cold.
I'm trying to secure Christmas dick. Idgaf if he has strep or not.
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