I hate having morals and standards the next morning.
Dude. The walls are totally staring at me right now. I told you this was a bad idea.
He came into the hospital yelling "HEY EVERYBODY! REMEMBER ME?"
I just typed in random letters on his address bar... 5 out of the 6....a porn site was in the drop down list hahahahaha get a life bro.
Just heard my neighbor say "I'm just gonna lay down in a coma until someone comes into my room and hands me a beer." He's got his priorities straight
I had fun last year but I was one half of the hoe train back then. At least I'll feel better about myself as a person this year.
I'm going to miss going to the strip club though.
Ice that vagina down, get some coffee, and try not to walk with a limp. It's time to dominate, pull it together
She just asked what would happen if you put a vacuum in your butt and turned it on. These are our conversations.
How hard is it to grasp the concept of 'I lost an impromptu saber bout and so I have to make a macaroni map of Soviet Russi, including Kazicstan'!?
I gave him a BJ and he left. Coincidentally that's the name of my memoir.
Do the right thing and go fuck yourself off a cliff
Thanks for the reference. If your boss hires me, I'll buy you a drink.
If my boss hires you, I'm going to need it.
I believe the only reason I am slightly functional right now is the leftover drugs in my nose that I keep sniffing
Should I bring my 4 pairs of bunny ears? Or is that too weird?
4 pairs might be a bit much
No I didn't say it was safe, I said it was legal. I didn't say anything about it being safe. It's not my fault if you weren't listening properly.
Randomize
