I swear I have "I love assholes" written on my forehead with ink that only guys can see.
my life is in even more shambles than last time, mcdonalds is closed
idk if you're aware of this...but we could potentially have the greatest hate sex...ever.
I've just stalked all the hot guys who have clicked "attending". I now know which guys are "yes", "maybe" and "no". I only hope my drunk self remembers.
I liked a picture of him with his pants around his ankles, if that doesn't say I'm into you, I don't know what does.
I mean I don't object to weird looking penis as long as it gets the job done. I just need to get it in. I'm gonna be humping chairs soon.
judging from the number of limes and box of kosher salt on the counter therell be 8.5 gallons of tequila drunk this weekend.
sounds about right
I've already made the "blackout on move in day" decision
You pretended to pelvic thrust my mother on the boat while my 92 year old grandmother looked on. Thanks.
I can't ever date him again. Whenever I see his face I just remember helplessly pissing myself in my car.
Oh my god. We just got locked out of our cabin and went to the neighbor's to see if they had a key and caught the neighbor jerking it. My night > your night
Haha I wasn't coming anyway. I'm watching Snow White and don't want to put pants back on. Those are completely unrelated. Have a good night.
As she came, she moaned Roll Tide. I kid you not.
Also I will be receiving my own bra in the mail because I left it at his place, woops
Someone sitting next to me at this football game is totally eating chicken nuggets out of his pocket and drinking four loko. I wanna be him.
Randomize
