Thats how high i was. The fact that he looked like Seth Rogan was apparently a good thing.
Woke up on the floor with my glow stick in one hand & dollar bills in the other. Good. Morning.
All i remember was you crying naked on the bathroom floor because you were cold. I got you a blanket and you kept kicking it off and crying because you were still cold.
I woke up this morning with a wristband and I thought I went to the hospital last night I actually went ice skating instead
Because if not I was going to quote Ryan Lochte as punishment
Thank god I got my shit together
he just sat there, in the doorway of my dorm room, chuggin a fifth like nobodys buisness.. don't know whether to fuck him or be afraid of his confidence
Remember when puke and rally meant a good time? Fuck pregnancy
We HAVE another bedroom, it's not like I was gunna chain you into the closet. Often.
Dude. Steinbecking. It's when you double-fist coffee and alcohol to help you meet a writing deadline.
As he was going down on me, I looked over his shoulder and said "ohh a Christian mingle commercial is on"
Well I either feel like the fat girl or very accomplished because his bed is now broken in three places
YOU TOOK A FUCKING SNAP OF ME TRYING TO PEE! I'M GOING TO FUCK YOU WITH THE BUSINESS END OF A RUTED RAKE!
if jesus wore shoes made out of pure flavor and hurricane kicked u in the face thats how it feels to eat pizza bites right now
Look, road flare archery was agreed on. We both accepted it was a shit idea sober, but did it drunk anyway.
Turns out the guy I did all that coke with the other night is a cop
We're dating now
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