He said "what's the haps". I don't know what the haps are but there goes his chances
I hate the Packers so much, I wouldn't cheer for them if they were playing al Qaeda.
The more I hate his personality, the more I love his penis.
He practically bottle-fed me Jameson, like I was a baby chimpanzee on those nature specials.
I have got to stop singing on voicemails. I just left my dad a 6 minute musical message.
Just had the best random sex ever with a girl I picked up from a pro choice rally uptown. God bless the Democratic National Convention.
bro, your right, i shouldn't feel embarrassed about taking shots from a penis-shaped ice sculpture
OK. i'm going to add "riddle me this, brodawg" to the list of things i'm never gonna say to my boss again while i'm high.
Found my id. It was in the cats litter box. Seriously what was last night.
he stole a smokey from the street meat vendor and put it in his pocket when she wasn't looking and now we're drinking avocado margaritas
Some girl is sitting topless in the kitchen and having a Skype video chat with some guy. I already like it here.
Are you vicariously golddigging through me?!
The moment you tore my shirt off I knew I wanted to spend the rest of my life with you
What the fuck happened last night.... I woke up with a bowl half full of ravioli next to my head, reversed on my bed still fully clothed.....
Puked in the trash can. Took a bite of someone's breadstick and kept dancing and drinking
Randomize
