I made her dinner: Beefaroni with grated parmesan cheese on top. Luckily she showed up drunk and gave me head, "For spending so much time preparing."
just fyi, hangover + ice skates = really bad idea
I already brushed my teeth, and it's not even noon yet. Today's going to be a productive day.
i have a strong feeling i fucked one of the waiters here...
Apparently I texted my high school english teacher asking her to tell me what logical fallacies she taught us three years ago.
hes out at the street wearing a tophat and a monocole and carrying a cane and greeting every car that drives by
he just went across the street and into someones house and we could hear him inviting them over from the front porch
Also this freshmen guy is talking about his gag reflex and no one is making blowjob jokes. I have no faith in the next generation.
A stripper just invited me to her daughter's birthday. Where did my life go wrong?
I need to have sex. It's becoming like a matter of public safety.
In my drunk state I was like I ONLY HAD SEX WITH SOMEONE ELSE BECAUSE HE WAS THE HOTTEST GUY IVE EVER EVEN SEEN
Do you think it would be a margarita if you just out tequila in a sonic slush?
I swear she is the Mary Poppins of drugs
we didn't have sex though. because i have the will power of an ox.
When are you getting back?
Well google maps doesn't have an estimated time for crawling... Could be days
It was like I was gay for pay but except being gay I became straight and instead of for pay it was for coke.
Randomize
