my grandmother thought she vaccuumed up a quarter so she made me open the bag, dump it out on her front lawn, and dig through it. no quarter.
Omfg I am plowed. Had drinks with 3 milfs. Going out on their boat tomorrow. They want to show me how buoyant they are.
she would only give me a road handjob because she didnt want to unbuckle
safety first
The plants looked thirsty. Growing plants need mimosas too.
I drunk dialed my ex-boyfriend last night. He was sitting next to my new boyfriend. Shoot me in the face.
And by sexy pictures I mean pictures of my penis in strange places. I rock out with my cock out.
OH MY GOD I JUST WANT TO GO HOME AND FART ALL NIGHT.
You know my ex in high school who cheated on me and dumped me right before prom? A decade later, I just saw her again...working at an Arby's. it was a good day...
we had break-up sex in a port-a-potty. how do you think it went?!
I punted my pants across my apt at my roommate last night. Everything else is kinda fuzzy.
after giving head I just always feel like I need like. ice cream. as both a means of getting the lingering sperm out of my mouth, and a congratulations.
So I just sneezed blood everywhere. On the upside. After yesterday I feel way more confident AND I give even less of a fuck.
Never play truth or dare with a girl who carries a dildo in her purse. I'll never go to a Denny's again.
I'm now using my vagina for good, not evil. Trying to restore balance to the force.
how am i in montreal? thats like a 3 hour train ride. i remember nothing.
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