Slept with that guy from the bar last night. Only got 2 1/2 hours of sleep. Eyes were so bloodshot this morning that the principal sent me home b/c she thought I had pink eye. God I love teaching elementary school...
Important life lesson - flammable and inflammable mean the same thing
I don't know what's worse, the fact that my parents own a sex swing or the fact that my little cousin was playing on it
Be honest with Daniel. He was a good rebound to you for nine months and he made it so you could be with the one you really love and care for now. Just tell him thanks and best of luck.
I vote intervention dinner around 6, make up movie around 7:30ish, then apology drinks all night. Then hangover waffle house in the morning.
I'm still waiting for my blazer that I left at your apartment, you owe me a blowjob for every day from Thursday on that it's late.
Were going to have to vacuum the bathtub, great party
You kept yelling "wood grain wheel" and grinding on fat chicks.
The hell is wrong with me
I woke up at 3am, my head in a toilet, still at the kegger, wearing a random cowboy hat.
You tired to make us "vodka tacos". Which was just you dipping pitas in vodka.
Any good?
Well. FUCK YA. But that's beside the point
Do you participate in Sunday morning booty calls?
Dammit! I didn't see this message, of course I do.
I just spent 12 consecutive hours in the same outfit and none of it was pajamas. If that's not personal growth, I don't know what is.
I met her parents last night. Her dad smelled like weed and kept yelling "I HAVE ALLERGIES AHHH MY EYES ARE BURNING!" During dinner It had to be good weed he didn't even know he was yelling.
He literally had a Trump sign in his front yard. I just can't now.
I don't know what that means but it's making me want to fuck you.
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