I just woke up to crumpled tissues everywhere. Looks like it was another night filled with tears and semen.
I'll show rhose boucners: You don't let me in, I poop on your pool.
I drove to my yoga class while eating a piece of bacon. Wow. I see myself in a whole new light.
is it sad that i can describe this night as "the night that i was sober" and we all know which night it was. like literally one night of sobriety.
I just discovered the Reese's pieces and sourdough bread sandwich. No signs of coming down.
HE IS COURTING ME WITH CHINESE FOOD AND IT IS WORKING.
They should make a traveling bouncer service to remove unwanted people from your house without getting the cops involved. That sums up my Friday.
Perfect. Let's do that. I'm thinking everclear and green dye as our base. We shud start from there
Of the three people getting wasted at this dance competition, im two of them
My dream date: Hotdogs/nachos from the bar & tequila. Is that too much to ask?
FUCK and YOU. times 10. To infinity and beyond. You bastard. Worst. Cockblock. Ever. I'm going to nail your sister.
but I'm still not sure how you became more and more fluent in Spanish the drunker you got
I just showed this kid my nipples to work my shift tmw
THERES A BEAVER CHASING ME, ANGRY BEAVERS IS FUCKING REAL DUDE
I a very close black and white picture of my slightly erect penis and I blew it up put it in an art gallery for a show coming up and somebody bought it for 30 Grand!!!
Randomize
