It wouldn't matter if you are Jesus Christ himself, you are not getting into the bar tonight
She was not exactly lady-like. Down there.
I am totally the chick from Intervention who barfs up wine and then re-eats it.
Mother nature decided I wasn't going to be a whore today. Fuck her.
He tricked me...the first song on his sex mix was trey songz but the rest were techno....i can't walk straight now
I don't think i can handle my uncle say again that kid rock is a true musician....
like he couldn't stop by and throw me in the back seat and ask for a blowjob? he had to give me flowers?
I think we should roll her a welcome back, sorry your godmom's on life support blunt.
Road trip to buy me a baby zebra..are you in or are you in?
This is going to be one of those "I can only do this high" classes
He's basically me if I was an 8-yr-old boy. It's like looking into a pudgy terrifying mirror
I tried to twerk on a barn in 3 inch heels at a party last night and nose dived into mud. These were all new friends. I'm probably not allowed back. Cool.
i fell out of the car and didnt spill my drink. come overrrr
truly a win in your book
Its like the floor is slow but life is fast?
I see you found the nyquil...
My nipples are YOUNG and they need TWISTING
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