Can i come over
After you called me a desperate slut? No
Come over
why did i save someone in my phone as corn dildo?
If you think im a hippy you should see these girls. They would scissor mother nature if they had the chance.
I dinstinctly remember making out to "I believe I can fly" and waving my arms like a bird to the beat.
We ran out of toilet paper the last week, so we just took showers to pee
Just painted my nails at the bar... I may be getting too comfortable here.
I just fucked my ex's ex's ex. Love quadrilateral complete
She had me dip my balls in cake batter ice cream from cold stone and then tea bag her. Let's get weird just got a whole new meaning.
I found a fingernail in my vagina. A fingernail.
him and the cab driver we buy e from got into a fist fight, about which show is better, futurama or family guy.
I'm 99% sure I just puked glitter. Wine drunk Mondays shouldn't be a thing.
I'm stoned as hell watching the new Star Trek movie. My life is 110% better than it was an hour ago.
I just ate your leftovers whilst watching Garfield and Friends. Thank you across the board.
Welp. June's off to a great start. I just ripped my pants, completely sober, at 10:30 p.m.
I'll never lecture you, go get that dick baby girl make momma proud,I didn't raise no quitter
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