If my vag had twitter, what do you think it would say?
Its really not funny anymore. I need to stop shaving while i'm drunk
When you gave me the first bj i thought 'yep, this girl is going to do great things with her life'
Been home for 3 days and already spiked coffee with Kahlua. Only 106 till we go back to school
come over after work tomorrow, liz and i will make all of your wildest dreams come true. so long as your wildest dreams involve drinking champagne at my house with two girls who won't have sex with you.
dont iron anything. we fucked on the ironing board. details to follow.
im on the hungover til tuesday pabst blue ribbon diet
Also I can show up hungover, fall asleep at my desk, and smell like a bottle of whiskey, and they still like me more then my shitty co worker
I mean, I bought pot and shampoo before I ran out. I think I can adult.
Look, I tried but his dick tasted like disappointment.
I hope you have your own chainsaw cause I didn’t buy one for you. It was a gross oversight on my part
I know you want to take a pregnancy test, but could you wait until Sunday so it doesn't ruin our weekend
man do I wish I knew who this naked guy in my room was...
Funniest thing happened to Chloe! She talked the bf into a mmf threesome, and he loudly and enthusiastically discovered he was gay during it. Whole dorm literally heard it happen.Well funny for me. Chloe not so much.
I WANT GRASS AND TREES NOT SOMEONE SWINGING A SWORD AROUND
Randomize
