So A**** bought my story about how my hickey was a bruise from wrestling
on one hand i'm glad that i'm not in trouble...on the other hand i realized that the reason i cheat on her is because she is so stupid
you're the only person I know who would bring a water bottle of screwdriver to a wedding, and toast with it during the speech
Call me next time you want to get irresponsibly drunk when we have grown up things to do the next day.
oh dont worry, my liver will give out way before i get skin cancer
Dude. He put me on a rewards point system for his dick. I have to do him favors now to build up to winning sex. This is shit.
Is it love? I honestly haven't even thought about watching porn for over a week now, and haven't thought about fucking any strangers either. It's quite eerie.
I woke up this morning in the house, I didn't realize it was physically possible to duct tape a person to the wall...
His chest is so hairy i want to pet it with my nipples.
That was just an endearing nickname I called you before. I'm not gonna call you a filthy slut now that you are one, I don't want to hurt your feelings.
You sending me our unborn, unfertilized babies' names is not what I envisioned when you said you'd "drunk text me later".
I'm about to go get lunchables and alcohol. Take that adulthood
Who is naked dude in the kitchen?
I need more 20 something year old penis in my life
Fuck this pandemic. She grabbed the hand sanitizer instead of the hand lotion while giving me a hand job and now my dick is burning and scrotum are on fire
A hand job? Are you 12?
Ok, as his sister I didn't tell you this but he's very familiar with pregnancy symptoms. So next time he calls you fat freak him the hell out by asking if your ankles look swollen.
Randomize
