Wanna demo a makeout? Check box yes or no. Or maybe. Okay bye.
I saw a penis in my cereal this morning. do you think my cheerios are like professor trelawney's tea leaves?
one can only hope.
I just remembered we were doing butt clenching exercising with bar straws last night
I'm thinking I had intended to send you pics cuz I woke up naked
at 6am he came into my room and kicked me in the stomach. when i finally got up he was passed out in my hallway and the bathtub water was running
what whaaaat?! I BET YOU WIN IN THE TEETH DEPARTMENT.
While I was fucking him, he grabbed a taco off his shelf and started eating it. I had taco dripped on me. I have no idea where the taco came from.
Tried to land my foot on his shoulder and kicked him in the face. Then I fell into a homeless man's bike and posed with a buffalo head. How was your night?
Everytime I try to keep track of the amount of people I slept with I always forget about that guy I met on the dc metro, where I woke up to him organizing his Special K and Molly and I was covered in sleeping cats.
As much of a hooker as I am you don't slam where you drink
My tinder date had to be home by 8:30 cause she's on house arrest.
YOU ATE THE FUCKING GOLDFISH!?
I think drunk me saved him in my phone as "beautiful man" to play a joke on sober me
you said you didn't feel like drinking anymore so you mixed vodka with your applesauce and ate it
You remember my neighbor with the perfect ass? It's even better in assless chaps.
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