I'm sooo using this pickup line: "Baby, its not the 2.5 inches... Its the 200 pounds behind it"
anal on a first date. tsk tsk.
My balls are so social today.
Come in. Grab a controller and a beer. We've got some Madden to beat.
You're the best girlfriend ever.
I woke up in my girlfriends bed with another guy laying next to me. wtf.
He's at the gym. He likes to get high and swim cause it makes him feel like a fish.
I put so much effort into my vagina today. If i don't get laid tonight I'm gonna be pissed.
I think my multiple attempts of taking his life, no matter how unintentional they were, has put a damper on our friendship
Just your daily reminder that we're terrible people: the average number of men a woman sleeps with in their lifetime is 4
I just want to be naked all the time but not in a sexual, come-hither and look at my ass sort of way. In a slightly chubby yet not ashamed way as I eat Taco Bell and lay on soft fuzzy blankets.
I mean I'm not gay but a hundred bucks is a hundred bucks
I just want to have beer shits in my own bathroom. Is that too much to ask for?
what are you going as for halloween?
drunk, naked, & emotionally unstable
It's seriously like a finger. But it's a cock. I don't know what to do. I feel like I fuck him to be polite.
When do you estimate your next shower will be? Several people have asked.
Randomize
