I served up a girl her first a2m the other day. You would have been proud.
it's not gay if you rub your penis between their butt cheeks and pretend they are tits
i just watched my husband get a prostate exam. sex is ruined for me.
My mail consisted of a box of dildos and christmas card from grandma.
I'll sleep on the bed... The couch is now designated banging area. Any banging performed outside of that area will be subject to fines of cleaning up stains.
some people offered us free beer as long as we shotgunned it and after you shotgunned four without pausing they took their offer back
Oh nbd. She just had sex with a divorcee. On a charter bus. At 10 a.m. On a Thursday.
We really have to stop convincing people tazing is the cool thing to do.
On a not really funny at all but kinda brighter note I've gotten really good at texting in hand cuffs
This is worse then when all the pharmacists sang me happy birthday while I was buying plan b
So hungover im counting my own breaths to make sure im not dead. The odds hurt.
Woke up pants less in the vacant apartment across the hall. It was unlocked because they were showing it to someone. When they walked in I woke up and said "this is a great place to live" and walked out
he won't tell me his last name, but I know his garage key code
Thanks for listening. You're the first guy I've ever worked with who I didn't want to fuck.
Quit bitching. I brought you a muffin.
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