I totally understand Scottish logic. No underwear+skirt=great
I just queefed in yoga class and now the old man next to me is smiling at me.
Her father's a cardiologist, her mom's a lawyer...she just went from a 5 to a 10 real quick.
he was so drunk I had to hold him up and he started crying when he heard an ambulance siren and said "is that for me?"
He keeps the condoms in his bible. I guess stairs or elevator, we're getting to hell one way or another.
He left with a pair of dress shoes, some goggles, and a shot glass. I think we should follow him.
My phone really needs to stop auto correcting "library" to "ovary".
I know. He gave me a hug and i was like jesus i can just feel the std through your sweatshirt
So far I've taken two naps, went out and bought a pizza called the Hipster, and in 15 min I'm gonna make a snow angel. Conquering Snowlandia. How bout you?
UGH FUCK THIS TRAFFIC I WANNA SUCK A DICK
Stop getting drunk and running away. I can'tell chase you. Iim in heels and have big boobs. Running is a bad idea for me.
And why in he fuck did I get 'dick' in Romanian tattooed on my forearm
I can't believe it is only 1:30...I may have to stab myself with scissors for an excuse to go home...
Just got thrown out of the club for making condom water balloons. I'm not ashamed.
Took the ex out to the bar, then left with her and her best friend....and you said this was a bad thing.
Randomize
