I don't llike drinking between sober and blackout. Its boring.
I set the bag of cheetos on the open box on my coffee table while I was watching TV. I was so high I ate half of the styrofoam peanuts in the box by accident. Am I going to die?
I hope so
he just had his sister send me a message about how he's not a creeper
Was his mother too busy breastfeeding him to do it?
i think i just witnessed the elusive male walk of shame
New favorite sorority...they made me pancakes in the morning and welcomed back the walk of shame girls with a round of applause
just had to re-breakup with her. it was like shooting a dead horse that was crying and talking.
I woke up and he was just feeling up my stomach. I felt like buddha and he was rubbing my belly for good luck. never again.
I saw a shooting star while he was eating me out at 3am by my neighbors pool. Doesn't get more magical than that
He added me to his contacts as 'boot and rally'...have you ever been more proud to be related to me?
I can't wait to tell mom.
I lost my bra, he lost his virginity. Seems like a fair trade off.
When Pitbull's songs sum up your life... you know it's time for some serious life changes.
I started the day with dreams of getting laid and ended it with the reality of eating Taco Bell in my bed with my dog.
Do you want to go soon I'm overthinking life and my butthole again
Afternoon delight is playing while I take a shit at mcdonalds
"can you come pick me up from the ikea parking garage i think i slept here"
Randomize
