dude if i could bring that prime piece of meat home, id be the luckiest average-looking girl who ever lived
Giving the kids Children's Claritin and calling it candy.....Is it setting them up for drug abuse later?
If I can't get a one-legged man to love me, what the hell chance do I have with a NORMAL guy???
She threw up in the hot tub how's your night
I thought making out with his sister would be a great way of meeting him. But it backfired.
I got offered a handle of vodka and tomato soup to bring his dog home. He knows me all too well.
I created a new solo drinking game. You need a handle, a laptop, and a shitty internet connection. Start watching the fort video in the que, play the snake while the videos constantly load, and take a drink everytime you fuck up. There was a video of a an asain female Justin beiber impersonator full screen when I woke up.
Either I'm deep cleaning my apartment out of severe academic procrastination or I'm subconsciously nesting and need to take a pregnancy test.
No, we will not be going out tonight. We are trying to grow the toy donkey in whiskey rather than water. Serious fucking science. Have fun at the boring bar while we Bill Nye it up in this bitch.
Fair enough. Everyone has some guilty pleasures. Yours is yourself
So how did it go?
I'm not sure if it was all the eggnog or all the alcohol, but hosting an eggnog pong tournament was a mistake.
No more twerking this week. I think I dislocated a boob.
SCUSE ME I KNOW YOU DIDNT DO THAT MUCH COKE IN 10 MINUTES
He said "send me a motivational picture" so I sent one with mayo on my face that said "clearly I'm no stranger to white stuff on my face"...I'm the fuckingng worst
High me is so sweet. She left not-high me a fortune from a fortune cookie and 6 packets of soy sauce in my tampon drawer.
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