well he's currently spooning the coffee table
Why were you having sex on top of my left over pizza in the kitchen?
Are we still banned from the library?
The bachelorette started when I opened the door and they threw a few dozen dildos at me.
it was like a shit fog rolling out of the east to encompass me and have it's way with me
Just fucked a MILF from Alaska. I love traveling.
I just found out that my husband and I are Eskimo siblings. What in the actual fuck?!
How drunk is she?
She's trying to French braid the dogs hair, there's no stopping her
when my phone is in portrait view you can just assume i've been watching porn. that's the only thing i want to see in full view.
I'm graduating college in 4 days. I already miss the bad decisions
Remember earlier when I was excited about finding that birth control pill in my purse? Definitely acid.
I'm thinking my boss switched to all cordless keyboards and mouses so that none of us would hang ourselves in the office.
Why is there a wet sock in my garbage? Why did I chug so much red wine? Why was someone signing into my iCloud account at 4 am in China? Why do I do self-destructive reckless things? So many questions.
I didn't think you were that drunk until you were trying to rub your foot on my vag under the table at the thai place.
Pretty sure he proposed because my house is awesome. His ass is a ten and he's offering to pay more than half the bills... How expensive is a divorce really? I mean I could probably put up with him for three or four years but a lifetime is a big ask.
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