If I ever start a band I'm gonna name it "Nancy Reagan's Vagina"
so i completely puked my brains out. a lot. he held me up so i could brush my teeth. then we proceeded to hook up for the next four hours.
he's a keeper
I just projectile vomited in a Methodist church parking lot. If Jesus didn't love me before he sure as hell doesn't now.
There's a group of australian girls next to me. can't take them seriously. think they are going to turn into mr g
coulda been worse. everyone in the drunk tank got free mcdonalds breakfast
I found him in the livingroom trying to soak up broken glass with the clock from the kitchen.
No, no... it's pale and surrounded by awkward, curly, red hair. It's the Ronald McDonald of penises.
One good thing about being a mom now, I can tell which guys I'm dating were breastfed and which weren't... By the way they latch on to my breast during sex! Kinda kills the mood.
Oh dude, thanks for giving me that liquor last night, except replace 'giving' with 'violently forcing'.
Haha! I've never met his girlfriend, so my main focus will be not saying,"you're the only person in this room that doesn't know what my vagina feels like."
you said "this ones for the homies" and proceeded to pour the shot into your other cup instead of the ground b/c "good liquor is not meant to wasted no matter the circumstances"
The site I use to study flash cards keeps showing ads for truck companies hiring drivers. It's like the site is saying "hey, we all know there's no hope for you, just give up and Become a truck driver."
She answered the door wearing a basket, said it was the only clean thing she had.
So we are in the middle of sex and his brother knocks on the door and says "dude I just wanted to know if you want to see the fish I got tonight"
I'm writing to thank you for your never ending commitment to my orgasms and also to apologize if any physical harm was done due to your impressive efforts. Hopefully the sex and post sex pizza made up for it.
Randomize
