I'm pretty hammered, I'll elaborate tomorrow
Five things that make you perfect. Go.
The skin of a dead hooker. The blood of the innocent. The soul of a kitten. The hat from cat in the hat. And sunglasses.
i have this theory that all the people in the world who dont like mayonnaise had very bad encounter with jizz once
Found out in my property law class that you can sell your eggs for $8000. Helloooo spring break.
I wish they'd wear their tampons on the outside. At least gimme some warning
Well this lady at the bar told me I was a natural on the tambourine and that it was my God given talent. and then she gave me a tambourine.
Seriously how many times do I have to sleep with him before he stops calling me dude
My roommate has gone Christmas crazy. It looks like Jack Frost came all over my living room. Wanna come fuck me in the fake snow by the fireplace?
New found love of volunteering, when there's free wine available at all times. Good times. And I get to to feel good about helping people.
I may have just poured a honey apple beer onto a dried apple slice to rehydrate it. This is my day.
If you don't see me at the bar tomorrow night, I was most likely captured by the communists.
I'm in his bed. I got up to puke. Im one eyeing it eating a hot dog bun. Wtf. This is my life
You're his holy grail. The moment he finally gets you to orgasm he'll probably just retire and become a monk.
I'm torn between regretting everything and regretting nothing.
I gave myself a charlie horse masturbating this morning. I feel like that really set the tone for the day.
Randomize
