Apparently every Tri-Delt knows what I did and I am blacklisted from ever dating anyone in that house.
Well ya you lied, told her you cared, took her virginity and then broke up with her at Christies Toy Box.
I honestly thought the dildo was a nice parting gift.
Please don't tell anyone I peed on your wall.
apparently i traded the tiffany necklace my mom bought me for 2 shots and next in line for beer pong at the frat.
I really super glued a paper bow tie to my body last night. I need to do less drugs.
She gave me a handjob while eating a mcdouble with mayo on the way home from the bars at 2 in the morning. Car was full of people. This could be forever
Bonus points if the penis has a little hat too
As I type I'm climbing my cousins swingset so I can take a nap inside the slide. Fuck this hangover. I always win.
I think my vagina has grown over, not unlike earring holes when not used in a long amount of time.
Did you go to church in Texas and sign me up?
You need southern Jesus
What eyeshadow color says "yes I am at the dentist, and yes I am hungover please don't judge my life choices"
I moved to this city Tuesday and got laid Saturday. Still got it.
Puke-y regrets or just things-seem-far-away regrets?
It was a blast. I was going to say that throwing up in the airport bathroom wasn't classy, but it's classier than quietly puking into a fast food cup while in your seat during takeoff...
I finished my first whiskey and I'm waiting to have a second one in celebration when your pregnancy test comes back negative
Can I make sure all my sluttiness goes to you when I die? You're the only person I know who'll make use of it
Randomize
