Tried to buy Xanax from my boss last night. Wrong Mike.
I got tired of walking to the bathroom that I decided to throw up in a cup. I now have 3 cups full of vomit on top of my mini fridge
i'd date him for the sole reason that he thanks me after giving him head
woke up to an overdrawn credit card. did you order the dawsons creek boxset last night?
i hope so.
you should be back in the room by now but just so you know. you passed out at the black jack table and they wheel chaired you out. strip club in about 45 minutes. game face bro.
That's right. If she can't abide by the rules then she gets booted. It's like survivor booty call edition
People dont know what to do when a naked fat guy is running towards them. they panic
Check 'smoke weed with our ihop waiter' off of our To-Do List
All I remember is grabbing a random guys dick at the bar and him just saying thank you and us taking a shot together
I remember grabbing your ass. So firm. So right. I don't regret it.
Hurricane Harvey ruined my dick appt. WTF?!
I don't want to inconvenience you with my dick\n\n
million dollar idea: razor dispensers in bar bathrooms. your welcome, girls who didn't think they were getting laid tonight.
No I will not paint you for Mardi Gras in town. It is going to rain and you don't need another ID charge
First non virgin Sunday. Bursts into flames.
Randomize
