This is how I know I have no life... Jon and Kate are my emotional roller coaster.
Be here at 3:30. We'll find out how much beer can fit in a Mini Cooper.
I hope the dean has a raincoat on because I'm prolly gonna throw up on him when I get my degree
Walk of Shame'd halfway down a mountain, skiiers passing. Do not drink with lifties at the end of ski season.
Believe it or not, that's part of the whole 'best friend' thing. It's not just yelling at me for making you leave the club early or taking the couch bc I'm doing sex while you're doing bjs.
I'm covered in mustard and it looks like I nose dived in to barbed wire ??? Was last night that good?
i want to go make food but i'll have to face my mom after telling her that the random i'm sleeping with, whose name i don't know, told me I was "too slutty to be his girlfriend" when i was drunk last night
Well I'm drunk and covered in baby oil so tonights not ideal
Pretending to be completely fried so the odd girl next to me doesnt suspect im simply staring at her.
I have to pee in a cup in the morning and they are going to say....you just peed a miller light. I'm going to hang my head in shame and say yes...yes I did.
yeah im watching him make his speech now. cant take him seriously tho. hes talking about funding for education and all i can think about is how ive seen what he looks like wearing womens underwear...
Did I leave the house with out a shirt or socks?
Yea, you said you didn't need them cause she was going to take them off anyways and that it would "save time".
Can't. Way too high. Forgot how to operate doors. Stuck outside.Come get me.
Does your balding hurt less when a 19 year old holds your hand?
I'm not totally useless... You can use me as an example of what not to do
Randomize