I feel like death. Did you die last night?
Nope. Ready for round 2. Fiesta!
unreal. Greatest comeback since Jesus
thats it. im googling how to make you boobs smaller. this is getting out of control.
I just told someone i was in "addition and subtraction 160".......and they believed me.
God dammit, you have a cape and I don't even have a fucking jacket.
How did you even find out?
Because you came up to me and said "I just fucked in the bathroom."
Oh.
I spent the whole weekend building houses out of popsicle sticks for my bowls. How was your weekend?
I've been trying to brush my teeth for 20 mins now... Mother of hangovers.
he just hooked up with some chick in a bedroom upstairs so I just went to sleep in the pantry closet...
That man deserves a slow clap... He defied the power of the vagina
Well it's official, last night I hooked up with the third girl from the apartment downstairs.
Dude that's a hat trick!
I know, I tossed my hat on the floor as I was walking out.
Just took a shower for the sole purpose of getting off without using my hands... I've reached a new level of summer-lazy.
If I die write a nice eulogy and bury me with my star wars bobbleheads
I fucked her with a giant balloon tied to my dick. You tell ME how my night went
Nice. Make him jerk off and tape it. Send it to his woman. I also love that you had another skype date
Is it bad that I like to have a guy to flirt with in every class? I feel like it's excellent motivation: to shave, to shower and to show up.
Randomize
