i jus pukd everywherw but i took a showr, come cuddle
According to Glamour magazine, experiencing sexual pleasure helps you live longer. I am dying an early death.
I wanted to dispute a few 411 charges on my phone bill. The service rep told me I called them four times asking for Lady Gaga's number.
me and this guy in my office just exchanged an "i saw you at a drag show last night" look as he passed by my desk.
We shoved chex mix between her tits for her own survival.
vodka bottle broke. scooping it out of the plastic tub with a shot glass into a sprite bottle using a ziplock bag as a funnel and straining the glass out with paper towels. good thursday night?
Apparently you can coat check a keg.
Jazzercise themed birthday pub crawl. 6 bars in 6 hours.everyone was a hot mess.
dude Steve you don't even know. its just been one hairy asshole after another.
I'm currently sitting on the floor of a hostel reception area taking swigs of straight vodka, singing with people whose English doesn't go far beyond Lion King songs. I thought you might appreciate it.
Today is going to be the longest game of "was that a fart, or do I need to go wipe?" I have ever played. Maybe the most challenging too.
So are we just not going to talk about the time I came home to you jerking it in the kitchen?
I emailed the police apartment to apologize to the officer from last night. I practically threw a hissy fit because he wouldn't hug me.
It was "against protocol"
Sorry you had to clean the sheets with your macro notes
You 2012 self promised me that you would do LSD with me, and it's 2015 now. So.
Plus, I'm basically a doctor, so what could go wrong.
Randomize
